Down...down...down

Been feeling really down. Have had a lot of issues to deal with lately...been so stressed, face full of pimples, and now sick as well. Purged myself repeatedly yesterday, still feeling woozy.

Most of the issues I have to deal with are not issues that arise because of me, they are mostly family issues. Hence I've been wallowing in a pool of self-pity. It often feels so unfair that I have to shoulder most of the responsibility of my entire family. Sure, I may seem to have money, be able to fly anywhere, and don't even hold down a regular job. But 80% of the time I'm flying because of family duties, and my 'job' is dealing with all the crap I'm handed.

When can I start living my own life? I long to hold down a regular job, to not have to worry about anyone else's shit, and work my way up as well. Yes, I wouldn't be as financially sound as I am now. But it's a trade-off I'd willingly make.

I haven't told that many people, but I'm considering staying in Toronto for one more year because of all the family issues that have arisen. As the months inch closer and closer to my law school start date, it seems more and more likely that I will push law school off a year. And even if I do go to law school in the states next year, I don't know how my family will manage without me. It's driving me mad...(and no, it isn't just my personal narcissistic impression that I'm irreplaceable, it's that they've TOLD me that I shouldn't go, that they won't know what to do without me.)

I feel so stuck. I'm unhappy, and I don't know what to do.